I knew it would be a matter of time before I’d blog about Olivia Newton-John again. But as it turns out, I'm not really going to be writing about her in this blog entry. Here’s why.
As I was combing through a large assortment of Olivia Newton-John videos on YouTube, trying to find a cheesy and funny music video to post, like the one I had included in a previous blog entry, I came across a video for 'Magic', from her Xanadu soundtrack. As soon as I listened to the lyrics, I realized that the song reminded me of my spirit friend[1]. The lyrics are essentially his words to me[2].
I had mentioned in another blog entry that I had finally gotten rid of my spirit friend. Alas, he never left. Rather, he was quietly hanging around, following me from room to room, and venturing out with me whenever I left my home. I had sort of assumed that he was still here after performing the second home cleansing and purification ceremony. I assumed this because I could still see pinpricks of light, beautiful web-like flashes of light, and wispy shadows (i.e., some of the ways in which he shows himself to me, sometimes all at once). I chose to ignore his presence because frankly I was frustrated by the fact that he was still around (and yes the spirit is male, as I have mentioned before).
A local medium named Heather, co-owner of a metaphysical store in town, has been helping me through this process. During her first visit to my home in Burlington, Vermont, she had a conversation with my spirit friend and uncovered interesting information about his connection to me. Apparently, this spirit and I have linked up numerous times through several past lives. Now he is back in my life, only this time in spirit form while I am in physical form. My spirit friend revealed to her certain personal things about me that she would’ve had no prior knowledge of. He revealed things about me from years ago. He said all this to her and more. It kind of freaked me out. It was hard to grasp. Heather talked of spirits being here with us and yet simultaneously in another dimension, as in here, but not entirely here. Despite not being a stranger to paranormal encounters, the way spirits operate, according to Heather, made my head spin.
As I’ve mentioned, my spirit friend continues to hang around, despite my attempts in asking him to leave. According to all of the metaphysical books that I have read so far (my metaphysical book collection has grown extensively since my spirit friend has made himself known to me), and according to Heather, asking a spirit to leave (especially if he has conveyed a willingness to leave, as my spirit friend had communicated to her) should be enough to minimize or resolve the paranormal activity. But as the days passed by (and now a couple of weeks later), my spirit friend continues with his old mischievous antics and poltergeist-inclined favors.
In the midst of all this, I have also been connecting with a shamanic masseuse named Anthony who has provided additional insight into this situation. He believes that because my spirit friend has already crossed over, he is now a higher vibrating spirit, with the potential to do good and possibly become a "spirit guide", if he isn’t already one. It's hard to tell because of how paranormal he is with me. I guess spirit guides are supposed to be subtler than this? This is all new to me.
[For those of you who have the capacity to tap into the sixth sense, and/or for those of you who have seen the three paranormal videos I had posted, I thank you for validating to me that my spirit friend is quite an active spirit.] But Heather and Anthony are confused as to why my spirit friend is behaving like such an “adolescent spirit” (Anthony's words). Despite his mischief, my spirit friend is kind and, as I have mentioned previously, does favors for me and for my cats. But as I have explained to those of you who are intrigued by the activity, the creep-factor of finding certain things done for me can be at times too much to take. After all, the acts themselves are performed by someone who is otherworldly. With that said, I will share the most powerful poltergeist activity that my spirit friend has demonstrated so far.
The Unbearable Horror of a Window Fan
Part 1: Brandt
On Saturday, September 4, I decided that I was no longer going to hide in my house and not face the world, despite a humiliating and unfortunate circumstance that had occurred between me and a certain someone who I will call Brandt. Speaking of Brandt----after not seeing him around town for months, I unexpectedly ran into him TWICE within a 20-minute span in two different parts of town. I’m quite certain that my spirit friend orchestrated this happenstance because he wanted me to see that Brandt is not who I thought he was. It’s not as if Brandt did anything obvious to indicate his repugnance toward me, at least not during our chance encounters on that day. There was just something off about the energy that consumed me when seeing him, especially the second time around. It felt like a violent punch to the gut. Nothing about either encounter felt comforting or reassuring.
I could sense that Brandt was agitated and even freaked out about seeing me, and this devastated me. I got confirmation of his agitation a few days later in manner that was humiliating and overblown. This brings me to the other thing that my spirit friend did regarding Brandt–an event that occurred prior to running into him. While I was composing an email to Brandt---a sort of I-need-closure-between-us email, my spirit friend kept rattling and moving objects in my office and in the bedroom with such intensity and repetition that his actions completely spooked me and my cats.
“Let me finish writing this!” I yelled, intent on finishing the email and sending it to Brandt. Although my spirit friend is active, I hadn't experienced such incessant paranormal activity in this way before. There seemed to be focused determination in moving my attention away from composing this email to Brandt. But by this point, I was frustrated with my spirit friend's antics and so I plugged in my headphones and ignored his ghostly tactics, or rather, his warnings, as I now realize that is what he was trying to do. I would later come to appreciate that my spirit friend was trying stop me from emailing Brandt because something devastating was going to happen as a result of writing and sending him that email.
Part 2: Retail Therapy
So on that Saturday afternoon earlier this month, after a certain terrible thing had occurred from writing that email to Brandt, and after weeks of spooky paranormal activity from my spirit friend, I decided to sooth my wounded heart with retail therapy.
Just because Brandt lives in the same town as me, I was not going to spend my life sequestered in shame in my little cape house. I was going to hold me head up high. It wasn't my fault that he couldn't take responsibility for his own actions or have the courage and decency to make peace with me and move on. Fuck him and his untouchable face. I dolled-up for the excursion, looking as stunning as possible, according to my own Mod-Goth fashion sense. I wore an Anthropologie vintage-inspired dress, black Doc Martin boots, and black lace stockings.
First, I headed to Old Gold, one of my favorite stores in town that sells “eclectic vintage” clothing. There, I purchased vintage lingerie. The owner of the store was extremely generous and gave me an excellent (and unexpected) discount.
Next, I hit several new age stores and purchased some crystals, primarily for purification and protection. I purchased hematite, amethyst, opal, malachite, and a few others. I also purchased some makeup at another store. I walked around for a bit, taking in the sun and the crowd on Church Street. Then, off to my largest purchase of the day. I headed out of town to Small Dog Electronics, the Apple store, where I purchased an iMac. Afterward, I headed home, feeling revitalized about my new purchases, especially my new computer.
Part 3: Paranormal Favors
When I arrived home, I brought the shopping bag containing the lingerie up to my bedroom. And that’s when I noticed it...
First, A Quick Back Story
Allow me to set up the poltergeist talent that my spirit friend possesses by first explaining how things were prior to my shopping spree. A major heat wave had hit Burlington sometime around the beginning of July. It was so excruciatingly hot this past summer that I walked around bra-less, often clad in an ice-cold damp T-shirt. Eventually, I broke down and purchased a couple more window fans. I secured and plugged in one of the new window fans in one of the bedroom windows and there it stayed until September 4.
The week before venturing on my September 4 shopping spree, Vermont was once again experiencing a heatwave. I remember talking to myself throughout that week saying that come Saturday, according to the weather forecast, the heat was going to break and finally get cool. I don’t know how many times I said this to myself aloud, but it was at least half a dozen times--it was a pep talk helping me to endure the heat for just a few more days.
I woke up feeling chilly on September 4. I walked up to the window where the fan was and said to myself in my thoughts, "I can put away the fan now," knowing I would take care of it over the weekend sometime. But for the moment, I left the fan in the window because the cool air was a wonderful departure from the sweltering heat.
So as I entered the bedroom and placed the shopping bag down on the floor on that cool Saturday afternoon, to my horror and dismay, I noticed that the fan was no longer in the window. Instead, it was now lying three feet away from the window, on the floor, face up. But what was most striking about this discovery (aside from the fact that the fan had been in the window all summer and was no conspicuously lying on the floor far away from the window), was that the cord that had been plugged into the wall, was now nicely coiled in a spiral circle beside the fan, as if my spirit friend was saying to me, “It's ready to be stored away for the season.” See photos at the beginning of this post showing the before and after photos of the window fan. Upon finding the fan in this manner and after taking a few deep breaths, shaking my head and saying, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” I addressed my spirit friend, "Magic Man, Magic Man! This is too much!" I thanked him for doing me the favor of removing the fan out of the window, but told him that he needed to tone it down. It's been my experience so far that he typically complies with my requests, at least until he gets bored with the hush-hush and begins to show off his poltergeist talents again.
Feeling uncertain about what kind of entity I was dealing with, I slept across the street at my neighbors’ house after that night and for the following three days. But it was worse sleeping across the street than it had been sleeping in my own bed. True to form, my spirit friend tagged along and kept invading my dreams, pleading with me to come back home and that he was not, under any certain terms, leaving me, EVER. He seduced me most of the nights through dreams, trying to entice me home--to demonstrate his passion and love for me. He also manifested a few times in the bedroom I was sleeping in across the street. Finally, after his undying persistence, I relented, after he promised he would not harm me.
So here I am, blogging yet again about this persistent spirit who is living with me, who refuses to leave, who does favors for me (and my cats), who occasionally does mischievous acts for the fun of it, and who continues to get into bed with me. I surrender to my circumstance and I am learning to live with him and to adapt to this new way of being, all while trying to maintain strong boundaries with him even though his seductive power is utterly intoxicating. I will continue to be assertive with him whenever he provokes me, but at the end of the day, he is the one who is in control of the situation.
Notes
[1] It was early days of my getting to know Hans and at this point I had been interchangeably calling him Magic Man (adopted from the Heart song), the entity, and spirit friend.
[2] 'Magic' Lyrics below. Come take my hand You should know me I’ve always been in your mind You know that I’ll be kind I’ll be guiding you Building your dream Has to start now There’s no other road to take You won’t make a mistake I’ll be guiding you You have to believe we are magic Nothing can stand in our way You have to believe we are magic Don’t let your aim ever stray And if all your hopes survive Your destiny will arrive I’ll bring all your dreams alive For you From where I stand You are home free The planets align so rare There’s promise in the air And I’m guiding you Through every turn I’ll be near you I’ll come anytime you call I’ll catch you when you fall I’ll be guiding you You have to believe we are magic Nothing can stand in our way You have to believe we are magic Don’t let your aim ever stray And if all your hopes survive Your destiny will arrive I’ll bring all your dreams alive For you
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