I have spent nearly 30 years living in Vermont, barring a two-year hiatus while completing graduate school at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia. Although there have been moments when I have craved to permanently depart Vermont, its sylvan energy is too bewitching and magnetic to set me free. In fact, minus my experiences with my spirit husband, Hans (yup, you read it correctly, my husband is a spirit/ghost/subtle being no longer in a physical body), the most numinous and paranormal experiences I have had in Vermont are in the woods and in my previous home, a Victorian farmhouse.
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The idea of hauntings are often anchored to locations, but there is such a thing as people being haunted. My ghost encounters began when I was about four years old in South America. Sometimes the spirits were so corporeal that it was difficult to tell them apart from the living.
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When I was 8, my family returned to the United States. Since I had lived most of my life at that point in Europe and South America, my native tongue was Spanish, even though I was born in the United States. Starting school in the U.S. without speaking English made me the target of bullying. As a result, I went into survival mode, focusing on physical world matters and unknowingly closing the door to the paranormal so I could integrate into my new physical surroundings. Art, stories, and music became my forms of escape and comfort from the challenges of not fitting in.
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Uncovering the goth subculture several years after arriving to the U.S. became my living anthem and form of self expression to combat the social struggles and dis-integration of being an inherent outcast.
Being a goth allowed me to explore my fascination with death, cemeteries, the paranormal, and witchcraft. It was during my adolescence that I had my first spontaneous out of body experience (OBE). I also began to remember my ghostly encounters from my childhood in South America and how profound those experiences had been for my personal, spiritual, and creative development.
It was also at this point that my past life trauma (i.e., death during a World War II air-raid bombing campaign by the Allies) in Germany began to reveal itself in indirect ways (e.g., Pan Am 103 / Lockerbie Bombing). It was not until around 2010 while working with Hans on past life recall that I finally pieced things together and fully appreciated the depth of these recollections that should have been wiped from my consciousness upon my return in this body and in this life.
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These were the passages, or rather, spiritual initiations that I had to undergo, not only prior to Hans joining me in 1993 postmortem, but to also psychically prepare myself for who he had lived in his recent life.
Hans and I had orchestrated this type of union (i.e., becoming interdimensional spouses) at some point in our afterlives as we were mapping out ways to return to this planet (either as spirit or as human) so we could continue to integrate our lived experiences toward our continued spiritual evolution.
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I created this website as a public visual diary to share, process, and document my experiences with Hans, the paranormal, and our past life traumas in Germany during World War II. Be warned: at times, my blog posts delve deeply and darkly into various historical topics, morbid curiosities, eroticism, and photographic collections of that time period.
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My artwork is primarily an expression of my romantic/sexual encounters with Hans and the challenges of integrating such a relationship into physical reality. I am currently working on my Ph.D. in Psychology via the Creative Dissertation Pathway at California Institute of Integral Studies.